Ying & Yang

Week two off work and I have achieved the following:
1. Gone through (actually looked at and skim read in most cases) three years worth of papers (predominantly bills…). Those to keep are now in one huge file, divided into sections and waiting to be properly sorted into date order etc. This is massive progress for me, though it may not appear so to you, dear organised reader. I am now relieved of the fear that I might die and my parents would have this awful task…..and would see all my credit card bills and read all my scribbled thoughts about shitty situations that have caused me pain. One less fear about death achieved I guess.
2. Survived two trips to the Brussels commune, for and with my three offspring and various sleep-over mates in tow AND submitted completed applications for their ID cards. All without so much as raising my eyebrows at anyone. That last line is obviously a lie. What I mean is, I didn’t hit anyone or get arrested.
3. Got number two to the third appointment with his orthodontist. Nothing special you might think, but this Doctor has moved surgery three times in four months. Each time to a weirder location and always without public transport links.
A year ago, I spent ages trying to find an orthodontist close to school and home, after it transpired that my son would need to wear a brace for at least two years and see the orthodontist for a monthly check up throughout. So it was, that number two had his brace fitted in a surgery literally opposite school and five minutes from home, by foot.
Only after the intricate brace had been fitted and the financials completed, did Mr Orthodontist confess he would be moving surgery ‘soon’. Which turned into: ‘I can see you at Erasme hospital next month’. This is a motorway drive from where we live. And later: ‘I’ve moved a little further out of town, where I’ll only be available on Saturdays and by the way, the consultation fees have gone up’.
My son’s teeth are looking straighter and this is what I try to focus on when my mind drifts to fruitless (but appealing) thoughts of revenge for my wasted Saturday morning every month for the next two years.
4. I have slept for more than three hours, most nights and have once woken up feeling rested.
5. I have actually applied for that loan I keep talking about, to pay for number one’s school next year and have only checked for the bank’s response twice each day….#zenattitude.
I don’t think I can legitimately count, cooking a hot meal most days and not injuring anyone who fails to turn up to eat or isn’t ‘very hungry’, as an achievement. Nor, ‘not getting at all frustrated by having more washing, cleaning, shopping and cooking to do than when I’m working’. Which, in any event, is another lie.  I really really really resent (irrationally so) having domestic stuff to deal with when I’m on leave. I totally want to just enjoy time with and actively listen to, my very patient children. I absolutely DO want a cleaning lady/man/anyone who cleans, for Christmas.
So I’ve achieved some stuff this holiday week…….
In my regular life, I rarely manage to find the time to dust off my personal to do list, let alone actually attempt to get my house in order. If i’m not working, i’m playing taxi driver, chef and personal assistant/consultant to my (lovely) children. Which is how it should be and how I want it to be. For now… But it doesn’t half leave me with nothing but an urge to sup a lovely glass of red wine and stare blindly into space when I finally sit down of an evening.
So I want to celebrate and feel positive about my achievements…..
I don’t want to feel sad…… But I do feel a little bit sad. Actually quite a lot sad. I’m sad that I haven’t managed to  achieve the holiday we all hoped to share together. I’m sorry because we won’t have another opportunity until next year. My brave number one is embarking on an intensive period of study starting early August, if the finances come through and I’m back to work next week…….
I do sometimes wish I was rich (in dollars) and job-free. I know the grass is never greener and i don’t usually waste time day-dreaming. I’m truly grateful for and proud of everything I have worked hard to become and I cherish every day alive, no matter what. But just sometimes, I wish things could be easier. There’s never enough time to spend with or money to spend on, the people I love.

 

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