You can almost touch the moment you realise whats going on.
But not quite.
That sensation of thoughts swirling around your head…
Can’t join them all up.
You know what it means, but can explain nothing.
Suddenly it all starts to make abstract sense.
Everything you tried to keep up with. To follow and make good.
Like a dog regularly denied a reward for the usual trick.
You kept trying to please….understand why the treat one time and not the next.
Contorted yourself in trying not to rise or enrage.
You lost all sense of normal.
No longer confident to call a spade a spade.
Too afraid to irritate.
Too unsettled to be certain.
Normal became anything but.
Integrity has no place in this crazy making bullshit.
Being right is irrelevant and making right, even less.
Boundaries are simple challenges to be smashed into little pieces.
Accountibility is dead.
So forget joining the dots.
Theres nothing to make sense of or hold on to.
There’s no reason to be found.
Run, before he buries you softly and alive.