“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” George Bernard Shaw

What is it that makes you cling on, when every hair on the back of your neck is standing up screaming at you to RUN? Or is it, rather, that you just cannot, ever, walk away without:
a) knowing everything that there is to know about why you’re ‘losing’ and;
b) some community / public recognition of your ‘wronged’ status, following you as you exit left ?
Focussing squarely on emotional attachment as experienced and expressed by those of us outside of any spectrum of clinical behavioural disorder (so minus the narcissists and socio/psychopaths, whose ‘attachments’ are wholly perverse and without emotion):
There are those, so confidant and certain of themselves, with whom no-one ever gets beyond that first strike. These are the tigers amongst us. Fiercely proud and rarely hesitant enough to concern themselves with how their relationships and break-ups might impact their ‘image’ or ‘reputation’
There are also those, generous of spirit, amongst us, who show varying levels of empathy in giving everyone a second, third and sometimes fourth chance. Always looking for the good. Coaxing it out if necessary, with every ounce of bounty in their bones.
Then there are the doormats, who will put up with any level of shit. Supremely low levels of confidence and feelings of inadequacy, borne from years of social and or emotional exclusion, are often behind this disjointed appreciation of any attention they are shown.
Somewhere between the doormat and the empath, lies a mutant tiger (all too frequently tigress). Perfect prey for the hunter. She knows her days are numbered. She knows the hunt is on. But she spends her last days trying to outwit the hunter, unravel the plot to trap her and expose the injustice of it all, when she could escape with her life if she ran.
Today’s blog  is my plea to all bright but battered mutant tigers out there. For gods sake, give up! Stop analysing and then analysing again. There’s only pain, no gain, in knowing every detail. Take care of yourself before you no longer know what you care about and drop the need to be ‘right’.
Something a private detective, I once tried to hire, said to me after taking careful note of my story, stuck with me:
“Can I just ask you”, she said. “So if I can get this ‘proof’ of what you already know to be true, what are you going to do with it? Will it change anything?”
That was the day I became a cat.

 

Disjointed Love

We’re on a roll
We’re on a high
Re-laying the foundations of this fragile unity
Lie upon sunshine fuelled lie.
Delicious fried niblets
Rosé on tap
En-sconsed in the moment
Content in the trap.
We lie aside each other, blissful
Amid the lamentable crowd
Of pimps and their charges
Barely disguised and proud.
The door is not open
Its not even ajar
But the mesmerising, twinkly ocean
Shifts all doubt to obscurity afar
And the rosé turns to red
As the conscious goes to bed
But the subconscious is still breathing
Listless resentment heaving.
With the inevitably devine sunset
Comes the onset of a crude awakening
Of desperately desired oneness
My heart is truly aching.
I am in a relationship with only me
My psychobabble support
Is just fabricating a fake he
Stop the clocks.
Disjointed
Forty-Eight months of talking in tongues
Time to shed the snake-skin of tolerance
And run

Authenticity

The world is askew, said he
Tis you that ain’t true, said me
Let me wallow, he berated
In the lies I have created
Follow blindly behind me
Allow me to deceive you kindly
Gently caress your needy soul
Destroy you from the inside
Charm you into the black hole
Le vide
One plus one equals three, said he
I’m so sorry, I can’t see, said me
Boring correctness, he debated
Unlike the jazzy truth I have created
Skip blindly aside me
Permit me to guide you to the edge
Air-kiss your ailing soul
Beguile you on the outside
Push you into the black hole
Le vide…….in which we hid a while
Serendipity nudged me awake
Not the night terrors
Not the heart tremors
Not the crushing deception
Not the all consuming grief
Walk with me, said I
For I shall empower you with my faith
Reveal the ecstasy of authenticity
Of autonomy
Extract you from the black hole
La joie
The world is as new, said he
Tis you who’s chiming true, said me
Let me wallow, he meditated
In the truth we have located
Authenticity

Fay’s Story

There was once a little girl named Fay
She was gracious and kind in every way
With her flaming red hair
She attracted more than one stare
As she quick-stepped through the passage of childhood.
As she blossomed through school and beyond
Fay struggled at times with le Monde
Her sweet nature betrayed her
And fed her bounty to that charismatic stranger
Blind to the mask, she strode on.
When she awoke to the truth, Fay was thirty-one
Browbeaten, confused and a mum
Despite a decade of devaluation
She kept schtum for fear of humiliation
And crawled into a private pit of ‘make-do’.
Submission, Fay learned, did not curry favour
It just fuelled verbal aggression and sulky behaviour
In the interests of the kids, she could take it
Until the day she understood they wouldn’t make it
She knew.
So she ran, that young woman named Fay
Still gracious and kind in every way
She began her new life
With no-one calling her ‘shitty wife’
She’s dancing again, is flame-haired Fay.

Peaceful Conviction

Genuine question(s): Do you recognise the difference between discussion and argument (I’m not talking about the merits of either here)?; Are you able to hold a discussion without it descending into argument?; Do you enjoy transforming discussion into argument, just to get a reaction and perhaps irrespective of your actual views on the topic?
I believe that the essence of discussion is a dialogue between two parties to reach the truth, while argument is trying to convince the other party that we alone have the truth and the other party should believe us. In other words, discussion is about exchanging views in a quest to find out what is right, where argument is more about clashing egos, (often) losing the plot completely in a bid to prove who is right.
Just to complicate things further, there are also debates. A debate is normally a formal forum for discussing a particular topic, where one person or group is pro-topic and the other is against. Each party will usually address an audience in support of their side of the issue. Debate is competitive argument, but three things separate argument from debate: rules; time limit; and a judge.
Here’s another way of looking at these three distinct forms of exchanging views:
1. To discuss – the verb, meaning when two (or more) parties talk about an issue. There’s no requirement for either to win or lose. A discussion, the noun, is simply an exchange of views;

2. Debate – noun and verb form, is a formal (and therefore controlled) and competitive exchange of views, with the intent that one person be declared “winner,” at least in the eyes of the audience. The primary purpose in debate is to test skill at rhetoric; and

3. To argue – the verb, is most commonly associated with anger driven expression of opinion, without care of how it is received and an unwillingness to hear the opinions of others. Argument is the noun. In an argument, two or more people will present their views, but the usual connotation is one of intense anger. Shouting and threats are common. In an adversarial court of law, argument is also used for each opposing side to express their side of the issue and sway the judge’s opinion in their favour. In the legal context, argument can more closely resemble debate.

All of these words can mean similar things. But don’t be confused, there are subtle differences. Discussion is conversation about a topic. Arguments and Debates are both types of discussions. Discussion has a pleasant feeling, but that’s only because most conversations aren’t contentious. When they are, we call them arguments.
So is any of this important? Well I (obviously) believe so and this is why:

There is a vast difference between liking to have interesting and energetic discussions or debates about something you care and/or are interested in and expressing your (probably otherwise legitimate) views in the form of angry dictat, dismissing the views of others and delighting in beating them into submission. Even more worrying, its just a short hop from here to developing a pathological need to provoke argument for the simple, passive-aggressive pleasure of gaining a reaction or upsetting someone.
I confess to being a pacifist by nature. I dont appreciate the benefit of, but do not avoid, conflict. I just approach it in my own stoic way. Its called ‘Peaceful Conviction’ and the world needs more of it.